Let’s begin today’s sermon with progressive rock superstars Jethro Tull.
Fronted by the wonderfully eccentric Ian Anderson, superbly balancing lead vocals while playing the flute, the highpoint of their career was arguably the release of ‘Nothing is Easy’ a live album recorded at the Isle of White Festival in 1970.
It is, of course, utterly mental. One of the songs ‘Dharma for One’ goes on for more than 10 minutes complete with a drum solo. And a flute.
Please never play this on the first night you bring a would-be partner back to your place or, and I promise you this, they will think you’re a serial killer.
Girls certainly don’t like having Dharma explained to them as “the eternal law of the cosmos, inherent in the very nature of things” (thanks Wikipedia) and if anything view it as a turn off.
The album, bless it, doesn’t really stand the test of time but considering the band sold a whopping 60-odd million records, I’m as sure as anything that they couldn’t give a stuff what someone such as myself thinks of their music.
I was always a fan of the title track. The simple lyrics continually inform the listener that, well, nothing is easy in life, which of course is true.
And that takes me back to the football after seven paragraphs of pretentious waffle which in all honesty should get me on a written warning.
Today we find out who Aberdeen, Rangers and Hibernian will face in their first Europa League qualifiers. As I rattle the keyboard, the draw has just been made in the Champions League and Celtic have been paired with Alashkert of Armenia in the first qualifying round, with either Rosenborg or Reykjavik waiting for them next.
Football and Armenia, with all due respect, are not two words you often see put together and therefore one would imagine Brendan Rodgers’s team will overcome their opponents with little problem. Probably.
And while our other three clubs might not have the recent European experience of Celtic, the first-round draw will most likely will bring them face-to-face with what we in Scotland would call minnows while utterly ignoring where our own position within the global game.
Celtic are far from certain to get through the four rounds to reach the group stage but they do at least stand a fighting chance. As for the rest, and I hope to be proven wrong, I can’t see any of them making it, which will do nothing for our coefficient or Scotland’s standing in the game.
And when, and this feels inevitable, a team is knocked out by opposition from what we perceive to be non-footballing countries, much scorn and fury will be poured upon them, as has happened when they’ve lost to sides from Gibraltar, Luxembourg and Malta.
However, while it would be wrong to absolve them of any criticism, we would all do well to remember, in the words of big Ian Anderson in fact, that nothing is easy and, right now, those who believe any Scottish club has the divine right to beat anyone, and I do mean anyone, really hasn’t been paying attention.
If Celtic manage to get through four qualifying rounds, and the dangerous Rosenberg are up next, it would be huge. The same goes for Aberdeen, Rangers and Hibs because UEFA in their greed – wisdom, I mean – have set up their two competition to make it more difficult for clubs from diddy countries, that’s us by the way, from sharing in the riches.
The odds are staked against Scottish teams. It’s almost as if the big boys don’t want us there . . .
All these teams nobody has heard of, Alashkert for example, are going to be fit, organised, and confident, and there is always at least one wee guy in the middle who looks a world beater.
Our record in Europe is not great. Factors including timing, weather, rank bad play and Pedro Caixinha have combined to make our teams look a bit, well, rubbish.
I just hope the draw is kind, I would love to see four Scottish clubs in the group stages and I want to see Jethro Tull live, and this year is their 50th anniversary.
I fear I know which one is more likely to come true.
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